Family Photos 2016

Destined for Greatness

Probably my biggest challenge in life is...Zane. Isn't that sad? My own son: My biggest challenge. I have scratched my head, I have prayed, I have pondered, I have read and studied. I have counseled with others. A couple of weeks ago, I thought I had come up with a solution and I thought it was going to work. NAY I KNEW it was going to work. I decided to make a chart of the things that he needed to do (and not do) each day. At the end of the day if he accomplished those tasks he would receive a small reward. At the end of the week if he completed the chart, he would earn an even bigger reward. That was a Saturday evening. We sat down together and talked about what was expected of him and what he would like the rewards to be. The next morning he woke up when asked, he said his prayers (both of which were on his chart). It was Fast Sunday. We got to church and I was so confident that my plan would work and was working that I hardly gave it another thought. Then something must have come over him. He decided to start pestering and tormenting his siblings. Eventually (When I had enough) I told him to come with me. Zane is not one to do what he's told. So I had to practically carry him out of the chapel as the whole congregation looked on. On the "Walk of Shame" I thought to myself : What are we going to do once we get out of the chapel. I decided to have him post his nose on the wall. Again, Zane is not one to do what he's told so I have to look like a deranged lunatic forcing him to put his nose on the wall. A couple of dads were in the foyer and saw my whole lovely display. I think they were in shock to say the least. I finally decided to take Zane into an empty classroom (and Adley, I had her too, since Greg is in the Bishopric). I tried to get him to put his nose in the corner. We had a sort of wrestling match in that tiny classroom. I'm sure those dads were still raising their eyebrows trying to figure out what this crazy mom was doing to her child. When I finally felt defeated I sat down in the tiny chairs and surrendered basically...and took some time to cool off. Sacrament meeting was now over so I took off for my van, gushing with tears of anger, frustration, and feeling like utter failure. The Bishop saw me taking Zane out so once the meeting was over, he urged Greg to come and find me. He and Zane and Adley and I were all sitting in the van. Greg said that maybe it was time for Zane to go live somewhere else. I blubbered about how I just knew that my chart was going to work and how stupid I was for thinking that anything would get that kid in line. I poured my heart and tears out to Zane telling him that everything I do is to try and help him. I want him to be happy. I need him to be obedient. We made that chart to help and I felt so horrible that it wasn't working. Zane is a pretty sensitive kid and I can usually appeal to his sensitive side. I think it worked. Greg asked what I would like him to do. I told him to take the kids to Primary and I would follow shortly. He threatened Zane that if he didn't go to class immediately that he would take him home to pack his bags and he could find somewhere else to live. Zane went. I looked at myself in the mirror. It was ugly. So I went home to reapply my makeup and then headed back for the 3rd hour of church. I sat in the back with the Bishop's wife. She has a son who is now 18 and has similar issues that Zane has. It was very therapeutic talking to her. Immediately after church, Zane came up behind me and gave me a hug. When we got home, he said, "Mom, I'm so sorry. I bet everybody thinks I'm a real jerk for treating my mom that way." I asked "WHO TOLD YOU TO SAY THAT??" He said, "Nobody. I just feel really bad and I am really sorry." I have to admit, that felt really good. It felt right and it felt sincere. That night I had this thought: What if Zane is absolutely destined for greatness and because of that, he has his own little hosts of personal devils that accompany him everywhere he goes, just trying to keep him from accomplishing his potential? And what if my treatment of him and reaction to him will ultimately determine if he reaches that peak? The last couple of weeks have been better. He started to get a little out of control last night but I was able to reel him back him before it spiraled out of control. I have this huge list of projects that I need to work on and at the top is 1. Figure out Zane. I think it will be a lifelong project, but worth the effort.

"Someday I'm gonna be famous"

Ok so maybe my dreams didn't exactly come true. When I was growing up, even though I was a pretty quiet individual, I still wanted to be famous someday. Maybe lots of kids aspire to fame...or maybe I was a weirdo. I used to look at my signature and think "Someday, this will be worth lots of money. People will be asking me for my autograph." I would even tell my friends to hang on to a piece of paper that I had signed my name to, explaining to them that I was going to be famous and they can say "they knew me when..." I just knew that I was going to be a famous musician. My millions of fans would pay hundreds of dollars to come and hear me sing. They would chant my name and cheer for an encore. I was gonna be rich and known around the world. Clearly, this dream did not come true. Not on the level that I had hoped anyway. But I do have 5 people who some of the time think I'm pretty terrific. I have one who even lets me sing to her. And when I tell her goodnight and close the door, she screams for an "encore" until I return for just one more hug or kiss or to give her a tissue or drink of water. And you know what? I'm pretty ok with that. As the song says "To the world, I may be just another girl but to my family, I am the world." I don't need the world to love me or even know me. I have everything I need, just my 5 screaming fans will do.

Love and War

The other night as I was praying, my thoughts were turned to our country and my gratitude for those who have fought and died for the freedoms that I enjoy (and probably take for granted). And I reflected upon the direction this nation is headed and how downright terrifying it is. Our freedom is fragile. People in power want to take it away. I would consider myself an optimistic person, but the thought of who will be our next president is not very promising. Neither choice is a good one. But I understand that this is the exact thing that is spoken about in the scriptures. Things will get really ugly before Christ comes again. The promise of His return helps me to regain my optimism. As I pondered and prayed about those who gave their lives for my freedom, I had my thoughts immediately turn to my Savior. He ALSO fought and died for my freedom. A freedom that is even MORE valuable than the temporal freedom I enjoy on this earth and in this country. In the Grand Council or War in Heaven, we know that Heavenly Father presented His plan and Satan had his own idea of how that was all going to go down. Christ offered Himself as the Savior of mankind and gave all the glory to His Father. I don't think it was so cut and dry, though. I don't imagine that the two plans were presented and someone said "All in favor of Lucifer's plan, go with him...All in favor of Jehovah's stay here." It is termed the War in Heaven, after all. I envision that it was not pretty. If you think about it, there were probably spirits that you and I knew who chose Lucifer over Christ. That had to have been such a sad day for Heavenly Father and the Savior as well as for all of us. We saw those whom we had (possibly) associated with choose to be in bondage forever, never to obtain bodies or...Freedom. I picture the Savior and the Father pleading with them to reconsider. The Savior fought then for their (and our) freedom. Then when things had settled there we were with 1/3 of us now missing-cast out. The Savior's fight didn't end there. He then came to earth to do what He promised us He would do. We were all there looking on. Wondering if He would really go through with it. How was it possible? We eagerly watched on as He led a perfect life and then gave it for us. I'm sure we all had another wave of emotions as we saw that He really did suffer all sins- past, present, and future. All of mine and all of yours. I'm sure we were looking on in wonder and awe as He fought (and won) our Spiritual freedom. I cannot even put this into words the way I want. I think it's impossible. But I am so grateful that He loved me enough to fight and die for me. And I'm so sorry for those 1/3 who will never get to taste of that freedom.

Our Vacation to Utah

We left at 3 a.m. last Saturday morning and headed to Utah. The plan was to arrive at Jon and Laura's house by about 8 or 9 that night. Somewhere in Colorado, Adley started complaining of a tummy ache. She took a little nap, woke up and started coughing. Then blew chunks all over the back seat. I grabbed a cup and tried to catch as much of it as possible but she was pushing the cup away. She was strapped into her car seat so it went everywhere. We had to stop and clean her and the van as best as we could. I think it was a combination of car sickness and the fact that she had eaten an entire extra long beef stick (ew). But we weren't sure and worried that our vacation was going to be ruined by a dreadful stomach bug. Luckily she started feeling better and it didn't happen again. Then a little past Denver we got into some horrible traffic. Anyway, the drive is supposed to be 18 hours. An hour or so away from Jon's house the kids and I were getting pretty giddy so that was fun. We were laughing so hard we cried. We finally got to Jon and Laura's house at about 11:45. Next morning, we got up and went to church. Came back to their house for a yummy lunch (pot roast, funeral potatoes, rolls, salad, etc.) Alex and Camille came by, as well as Jon Carl and his girlfriend Bree. We drove to the Provo City Center temple and Dennis met us there on his long board. We went back to Jon and Laura's and played games. It was a lot of fun. Monday we went to Bridal Veil Falls. And then we tried Sub Zero ice cream because it was featured on Shark Tank. It was not very good.

Then we went to the park and Olivia twisted her ankle. The following morning we headed to Deseret Industries and found Olivia some crutches. We also did some shopping at Deseret Book, Emergency Essentials and Seagull Book. And of course, we had to eat at Cafe Rio. It is so yummy. We went to an art museum in Springville. They were having a quilt exhibit. It's amazing what people can do.

This quilt was probably my favorite mostly for sentimental reasons. It's called Remembering McKensie. A 16-month old baby girl had died of leukemia and this woman made a quilt out of her clothes. Tuesday evening we met a good friend of mine from high school. We hadn't seen each other in over 18 years. She played a big part in my joining the church.

Our kids are all about the same ages and they got along great. We ate at Cafe Zupas and then went to a park. The kids played football and did some ice-blocking. Greg and Jon went to scope out the Spanish Fork River and found a place for us to put in and take out. Then they went and bought some tubes and aired them up. We got everybody ready and headed out. Turns out the river is WAY more swift than anybody realized. Noah and I took off together and then I heard Zane SCREAMING but I was so far ahead of him that I didn't know what was happening. It sounded like he had been split open the way he was carrying on. It really shook me up to know that my child was in danger and there was nothing I could do for him. Turned out he ran into some tree branches, his tube popped and he wouldn't let go of the tree even though he had a life jacket on. Finally he did. Laura decided to get herself and the little kids out and she would walk back to their van and head home. I ran into a bunch of tree branches with my face and fell off my tube and since my nerves were already shot by Zane's screams, I was done by this point too. But we couldn't get out of the river! Greg tried to convince me to keep going but I was not having it. I found a spot where I could exit and I ran for it. So Greg and Jon, Noah, Olivia and Chase joined us. Jon ran back to the van to try and stop Laura. Luckily she had just gotten there and didn't know where her keys were anyway. So we were all able to get on dry ground and we went back to their house. We made some tin foil dinners and went to a park to cook them while the kids played. We kinda got in trouble because we were supposed to pay to rent the pavilion and grill. Even if there is nobody using it you have to reserve it and pay a fee. For just a picnic table and one grill, it's 20 bucks! I may have to start calling it the People's Republic of Utah! On the way home I picked up some ice cream novelties for everyone. Thursday we went to Salt Lake City. We mostly just stayed at Temple Square. There is plenty to see and do there: Visitor's Centers, Tabernacle, Assembly Hall, Joseph Smith History Museum, Church History Museum and we went to the Conference Center that evening to watch the Mormon Tabernacle Choir rehearse.

Friday night we went to a place called Comedy Sportz. It is an impromptu comedy show where two teams of 3 compete against each other. We had a really good time. Those guys were hilarious. Saturday was the wedding. We got to see Linda and her family (including Rager Starlord-he's adorable by the way), Katya, and Daniel.

and Sunday morning we headed home. We left there at about 9:30 and got home at 4:30 Monday morning. We are all really tired but had a great time. Can't wait to go back! It was an improvement over our last trip to Utah for sure.

Open up a can of worms

One of my (three) callings in the church is Primary Pianist. We seem to have a real problem getting the kids to be reverent as they come into the primary room and wait for opening exercises to begin. Well, last week I had this (brilliant) idea that we should give the kids a gummy worm and say we "Caught" them singing in Primary. So, I will be playing songs that the kids are familiar with and if the leaders "catch" them singing they will get a gummy worm. We'll see how it goes. Just thought I would share (because I'm pretty proud of myself)

the Garden of Life

There are so many analogies to be made in life. It seems that nearly every subject can be compared to the gospel in some way. I LOVE having a garden each year. I am far from a "Master Gardener" but I enjoy it nonetheless. It is pretty much MY baby. Greg tills up the dirt and that's about the extent of his contribution just because he's so busy with work and church stuff. The kids help me a bit (only if I bribe them). Anyway a couple of weeks had passed and I hadn't paid much attention to the pitiful thing. Last week I was trying to get the mower to start (we have two and neither would cooperate). Since they wouldn't start I decided I would weed my garden. We have sheeting and straw down but somehow those weeds find their way through. Along the fence they were taller than me...taller than the fence. I started looking at my tomato plants and they had this one weed that wraps itself around the stalks and stems. So I carefully untangled and "unstrangled" each one. This particular weed will begin to produce a pretty purple flower if left alone. I compared that to sin. We sometimes leave things unchecked until we are completely overcome and we may even think that the sin isn't so bad, it's appealing even like the little purple flower. But if we don't work to remove sin, we lose something beautiful. In this case, the plant will produce a delicious fruit if I remove the weeds. It is so maddening that the weeds seem stronger than the fruitful plants. Kind of like the host of Satan's minions...there are MORE of them than there are of us living on the earth today. They consist of 1/3 of all of the spirits that took his side in the war in heaven. The other 2/3 live at different times on the earth. So mathematically we are outnumbered. It's kind of daunting...but motivation to work that much harder. I have to be gardener of myself in my own life, weeding out the bad. I also am responsible for removing the weeds from my family's life. If I take care of my garden, then my garden will take care of me. If I take care of my family then we can all be happy. I'm sure I would appear mighty strange to someone passing by because I actually talk to my plants. Telling them that they needed to stay inside their cages. The cages will keep them strong. "Stop getting out of your cage!" The cages are like commandments. They may seem constricting but they are there to keep us safe and strong. The garden may view fertilizer as a heap of dung being poured on it. This can be compared to trials. Sometimes our trials may seem like a big pile of crap being dumped on us but these trials actually help us grow and progress. Anyway, there is just something about growing something. It feels almost God-like to grow a family and grow a garden...to be able to create something beautiful. I have picked a couple of tomatoes and one zucchini. I have ordered more corn seed because I have planted 6 rows of corn TWICE and it will not grow. So I am going to try it again with some good White Harvest seed (fingers crossed). I'm also growing crook-neck squash, onions, cucumber, and bell peppers. It is so amazing to go out and pick something right off the plant and eat it or cook it for my family.