Ask of God

January 19, 2012 was my due date for Will. Instead of getting ready to give birth though, I was finding out that i was pregnant with Adley. Will had been stillborn back in September 2011. As I was in labor and delivery awaiting the birth of yet another baby who would not be coming home with me, the nurses,(knowing my history), suggested that I should just stop trying. And I was in full agreement with them. At that point, I had lost more babies than I had kept. So the next morning, we went home empty-handed and tried to make the most of things. I had decided that I couldn't allow myself to go through something like that again. I would settle and be happy with the 3 children I had with me. About a month later, I considered that perhaps I should include God in my decision making and planning. I fasted and prayed to know if my family was complete. I received an overwhelming feeling that there was just one more. So on that January morning, instead of being sad that it was supposed to be the day of my baby's birth, I took a pregnancy test and (apprehensively) rejoiced at the sight of those two little lines. I got on my knees and praised my Heavenly Father for this gift, but expressed my fears to Him. He whispered, "Everything will be alright." My fears didn't cease. I wasn't sure that my definition of 'alright' was the same as His. But I went forward in faith. Every doctor's appointment was filled with anxiety. At what point is THIS baby going to die? Imagine my elation when on September 11,2012 I went into labor and had a healthy, living, breathing baby girl in the wee hour of the following morning...just a year after Will (I like to call him 'God's Will'). I have 4 angel babies in the world beyond this one. And while it was incredibly sad to lose them, I am so excited to be reunited. I am so grateful that I know they are always ok...but really, BETTER than OK. And a little bit of me is sad for people who don't have an angel baby or two (3,or 4) waiting for them beyond the veil. If you are ready to give up on ANYTHING, ask of God first. He may have other plans.